Chapter 23
The Journey of the New China (anti-communism version)
1, To See Father “Sending Carbon to Snow”
As with Mei-Mei in a good mood at her “castle”, I almost forgot the time. Thanks to Mei-Mei reminded me I went back to my brother's home.
At the entrance of Danjin’s building I met my younger brother Danfeng and Panjie with a jinrick-shaw. I was going to take initiative to say hello to him while his cell phone rang. He exploited the opportunity to avoid my eye contact and spoke to the phone. Perhaps felt it was too rude he glanced at me, and then nodded his head. That ambiguous nod could mean to the person in the phone or to me. Afraid of missing the opportunity, opportunity of re-establishing diplomatic, or domestic relation between the two brothers after no touch for about 20 years I imitated his head-nodding continuously . After the phone call ended Danfeng glanced at me again, but quickly turned to Panjie, with a friendly joke tone he said “something wrong with that man’s neck?” In this way, the relationship between us two brothers returned to normal.
“Panjie sorry, what could I do, my wife has an emergency, needed me back immediately.” Though Danfeng was still talking to Panjie, the content was actually for me to listen.
“What can I do? You want me to dray the deadly heavy jinrick-shaw all by me alone?” Panjie worried.
“How come you do it alone? What about me?” I caught a good moment to show the new me.
“How could we let our honorable foreign guest to dray a jinrick-shaw? That simply shouldn’t happen.” Panjie said and laughed, what more cheerful was my younger brother Danfeng also laughed.
“Let's go. Go.” I went up to take the jinrick-shaw from Danfeng.
"Then I leave it to you.” Danfeng was still facing Panjie, but the words were obviously to me. After that, he turned his body towards my direction, bowed a little, walked away for a few steps, and turned his head to me again, smiled and ran away.
The change of attitude towards me from Danfeng made me feel very high. I dragged the jinrick-shaw running as quickly as I could, that made Panjie run after me complaining pain in her stomach. After we bought a comparatively expensive sponge mattress, again I drayed the jinrick-shaw running crazy towards father's hospital. This time, may be worried to be seen by acquaintances.
“Danjiu, the foreign VIP guest of the family sleep in the living room, and dray a jinrick-shaw” outstanding deed quickly spread to the whole family, that made Danfeng’s wife, and father particular, very surprised.
Arrived at the hospital, regardless Panjie offered her help, I took the sponge mattress all by myself and went upstairs to father’s room.
When I got into father’s room, our eyes met. He made a very friendly facial expression lying in bed. His mouth moved a little, not need for Panjie to interpret I knew he was trying to say “you come back.” Frankly my father's face looked rather bad, truly ugly, but I can not re-call when he made such a nice and good looking face to me. Obviously father was showing me the change of his attitude towards me. I think that's because I made my move first.
Facing such unfamiliar atmosphere I didn’t know what to do. Just when I was trying to find a way to break deadlock a small nurse walked in. Although the nurse looked at Panjie when she spoke, but clearly she was saying things to me “please go to pay for your room fees immediately, as our Premier Liu is really in difficult.”
As soon as the nurse went out I asked Panjie “Our father is a retired cadre, in the past I only knew part of the nutrients fees, or some expensive imported medicine were cut, how could his room fees being also…”
“Nowadays, nothing is impossible.” Panjie went on “Father’s work unit never deny of paying, but only could not pay in time due to bad economic situation. The hospital was not only once wanted father to be out. It has been all thanks to Premier Liu's face, and Premier Liu knows you are coming back soon.”
It was the fact that I was playing a heroic role to “sending carbon to snow” as the Chinese saying. I quickly took out a package of US dollars and handed to father.
Father took a quick look at the package, asked “What?”
“Your investment.” I answered with a sense of humor.
“What investment?” Father did not get me.
Seeing father did not buy my humor, I had to explain “your investment on me. Now I earn US dollars to pay for your medical fees.”
Father smiled, apparently to cover his embarrassment and bitterness. Anyone if think a little, would feel the kind of taste that my father had. A member of the communist party that created of Renminbi has to be helped by US dollars before he dies…
Father moved his body a little, hesitated if he should take that package of “sugar-coated bullets” or not. At exactly that key moment my long-time-no-see aunt came in. Seeing me was present, my aunt was very excited, might be more excited than seeing her brother (my father). I was of course very happy to see her too. As I wrote before, I spent quite a few years of my childhood with aunt. For me, in some ways she was closer to me than my mother. It had been many years we haven’t met.
Aunt looked at me, also looked at my father, seemed did not to know who to talk to first.
Father also looked very happy. I knew I should not interrupt they brother sister, at least not the time to hand on the money, I told aunt that I would wait for her outside. Aunt showed her understanding. She sat by the side with father holding his hands and said she was on behalf of the whole family (family in Xinhua, the old hometown) coming to see him. Father made some “ah, ah” sound to answer her. After a while when it was a little quiet, aunt took out a letter to father, said “my elder brother, and your younger brother, the Second, asked me to give you, I don’t know what he wrote in the letter?” But her facial expression and tone when she said that told she should be very aware of what was written in the letter.
Father used his skinny hand, took the letter to show his respect, but soon handed back to aunt, said “you read for me.”
“What?” Aunt pretended not to have heard or understood what father said, but looked rather embarrassed.
“Baba asked you to read the letter for him.” It was Panjie again to have done the interpreting, but unnecessary this time.
“Shall I read?” Aunt hesitated. In order not to have direct conflict with her brother, she pretended to open the letter. But she stopped and said “Oh, I forgot my reading glasses. I think better Panjie read it. Yes, Panjie, you are the best one to read it.” Aunt passed the letter onto Panjie. Not wait for father to say anything, she stood up, said she would like to see me outside.
Panjie took the letter, open to, ready to read. Aunt started to walk out, and said “this is something between you two boys, I don’t want to know. I go see Danjiu outside.”
I was waiting for my aunt outside of the room. Aunt saw me she said “let’s go, we find a quiet place.” That indicate something big might happen inside the room.
Meanwhile, Panjie already began to read the letter of my uncle Ding. This is below.
2, Uncle Ding’s Letter to Father
Hey Elder,
known that you are ill, we entrust our sister coming to see you. That shows that the family has never abandoned you, although you have abandoned the family. I wrote to you also to express our forgiveness to the mistakes and crimes that you and your party committed.
Before the liberation, by father working as a Chinese medical doctor plus a small land to rent out, the family was livable; the family could send you to university proved that. However, after the liberation, the family land was taken by your Communist Party. Fortunately our father had only a small land therefore did not classify as a landlord. (landlords were objects of dictatorship，many of them were annihilated, perished, killed, slaughted) After that the entirely family had to be depend on father’s medical practice. Father was a very soft hearted man, very often reduced his fees or even charge little sometimes for poor people. That made our life more and more difficult. You, as the eldest son, the only one in the family who works for the government, not only bring nothing home to support the family, but also threw your burden, leave your son to us to raise. Our poor father over worked to death. But except sending and picking up your son you were back home twice, not even come back for the father’s funeral. You say “the Communist Party is made of special materials”, I have no idea what kind of materials that could be, but for sure not human. How could your communists wotking for the happiness of the masses when you even don’t care for your own family. In reality, after the rule of the Communist, the life of many families was getting worse, the people around us were like this and so was the whole county. It was from your change I started to be suspicious and opposite your Party.
Was I wrong to oppose the Communist Party? Decades of Communist China's brutal dictatorship, demonstrated that the New China’s history is a history of deception, the Communist Party has never, will never stop its deception. Let’s take a quick recall: First your party cheated all the farmers. Before year 1949 under the slogan the “down the local tyrants and divide the land to everyone” to use the peasants to get the political power and government. As soon as the power was in hands the Communist Party use the name of the People’s Commune, took all the land away from farmers. Right after that your party carried out the policy of price scissors with urban and rural areas, that made the majority of the farmers became the state-owned slaves. Followed your party cheated the intellectuals. In the year 1957 your party launched a political champion called “hundred flowers blossom” first invited the intellectuals to criticize the Party and give comments, and then put a “right wind” hat on the intellectuals who believed the party and tried to help the it. And shamelessly your Party called it an “overtly conspiracy.” From year 1958 your Party started a new champion “Great Leap Forward”. The failure of that champion led China's economic collapsed and millions of people starved to death in the year 1960. To escape from the responsibility your Party called that man-made tragedy “the natural disaster” to cheat all the people. After a few years 1966 when the Chinese people was just recovered from hunger Chairman Mao deceived young people by writing a letter calling them the “revolution teenager,” and using the title of “Cultural Revolution” destroyed the whole country’s government system. As soon as Mao got all the power in his hand he “burning the bridge” by exiling all the young people to country-side as “educated youth” to have them “re-educated by farmers”. Eventually Mao passed away and the “ten years of chaos” ended, your Party started to cheat the factory workers under the flag of “Reform and Open-Door”, millions of the workers have lost their jobs. Followed your Party deceives the Chinese people by “medical reform” “education reform” “housing reform” “stock market” and various other means. Every champion, or movement, or a new policy of your Party, would result a part of the people being exploited and suppressed. Like that one group after another, in the end, all Chinese people, every family had been suffered before, now or later.
This is the Party lack of humanity, the Party you have fought for all your life. As your Party always says, “the Party is above all”. Your Party people take Party spirit to replace human spirit. For example during the Cultural Revolution, class struggle extended into the families, that caused the family members fought with each other, son fought with parents, husbands and wives became enemies. Countless happy family destroyed. We all know the family is the basic form of the society, when many families were destroyed, how could the society be stable?
Under the rule of your Party for 40 years, the Party that implements cruel merciless struggle and violent revolution philosophy, China has become a lawless society. When I say “lawless”, I meant your Party takes emotions above the law. So called “No kill can’t appease the resentment of the people”. To kill man is not a punishment based on his crime, but rather to appease the resentment of people, the anger stirred up by the Party itself. As long as there is anger, the Party could ignore the dignity of the law, men were killed without proper legal process, just shouting slogans, “No kill can’t appease the resentment of the people”, a man can be pulled out, to be slaughtered, to be cut into pieces, or even to be cooked eaten. In China the citizens’ right and freedom can easily be arbitrarily deprived in various ways. If the Party dose not like someone; someone one could be taken to be labor-educated, or to be sent to detention, to be in a concentrated-course etc. Those people even after being released and sent home would be monitored all the time by the neighbors, no rights and no freedom.
Your Party’s another major crime was “anti law of nature”, ignoring the law of nature, did not know that our human being is just a part of the nature itself, a very small part of it, but want to override above the nature. With the ignorant and arrogant slogan “man must conquer nature”, no fear or no worry to nothing and anything. Thus, a lot of forests were cut down, a lot of water source was polluted or ruined, and the ecological was damaged greatly. As a result, we have been repeatedly punished by the merciless nature, and our children and grandchildren have to continuously pay for what our generation has done to the natural.
The Chinese Communist Party is such a Party, a party of ignorance, arrogance, lack of human feeling, and an irrational evil party. It is also your Party, has completely destroyed traditional Chinese culture, moral and ethical value, brainwashed the whole nation and made them becoming think less tools of the Party.
Kept saying “for the benefit of the mass”, your Party ended up could not gave you, a retired old revolutionary, the very basic benefit to pay for the full fees of the hospital. Why can’t you see the fact that everyone can.
I admit I am an anti-revolutionary. For our country, for our people, for our future generations, and for my own interests, I have to go on anti your communism.
I hope you can make a comprehensive summary to your life, as well as to your party, for our future generations, as well as the history of China.
Finally, I sincerely hope that whom I am going to lose is not my brother, but the evil Party my brother served for all his life, and in the end being abandoned.
Your Younger one
at Xinhua home
After Panjie finished reading the letter she found father had no response. She thought father went sleep, felt a little pity that she did all the work in vain. When she was about to cover father with a blanket she suddenly heard father said “re-read it again, no need from the beginning, just from ‘Was I wrong to oppose the Communist Party?’”
While Panjie was reading uncle Ding’s letter to father again and again I was pouring out what hidden deep in my heart for years to my aunt (as I said before her existence to me in many aspects was more than my mother). I told her all about the bad relationship between me and father, or should I say my trouble of never get father to recognize my true value. (How could I admit that I need his love as a son? Sour, isn’t it?) To show aunt my true feeling to father, I handed the package of money to my aunt that I failed to give to father, and asked her to pass to father. It was that moment my tears couldn’t help falling off, although it was not easy money I was so emotional mainly because I felt very aggrieved. To analyze the “aggrieved”, it should actually be “love”! No matter how father treated me, but I realized that I actually need his love as my father, especially when I knew I was going to lose that feeling grew even stronger.
However, I'm not that kind of person being satisfied by all giving no receiving. I am not that high or stupid, or not that detached. In short, I love my father, and need to be loved by him too. Over all the years I took father as my rival, but until that day I figured it all out, what I really want to win, is his love. However, how to win his love remains a problem.
“There is one thing haunting me all these years that I could never figure out by myself.” I finally couldn’t help asking my aunt.
“What’s that?” Aunt asked.
“Why my father does not like me by natural? Am I really his son?” I spit out the root of my entire problem in heart for years, suddenly afraid of getting a reply like a novel or legendary, such as I am the son of the martyr, or of my mother with someone extraordinary…
“Ha ha ha, what’s the matter with you?” Aunt laughed as if I just made a joke. Aunt’s attitude towards my top serious matter provoked me and made me very angry “yes, I overheard it by my own ears when he said that to mother when I was little.” I stood up, waving my fist to add tension to my words.
Seeing me in such an emotion of half sad and half angry aunt regretted she answered my question too lightly. She stopped laughing, switched to a rather serious expression, said “you are my brother's biological son, and there is no doubt about it. Not to mention how much you resemble your father, just let me tell you how much your father loves you. After the liberation, for the a few decays my bother only went back home twice, all for taking you there and bring you back. Even when our father, your grandpa passed away, your father did not go back to see him.”
Looking at me in a desperate face caused by the answer aunt suggested “if this question troubles you so much, why don’t you ask your father directly by yourself?”
Yes, why I never thought about that, to ask my father directly by myself?
3, Different Political View between Father and Son
Aunt went back to father’s room. Once again she sat by the bedside and put her hand on her brother’s shoulder saying some comforting words. Father did not respond her greeting but asked aunt a question “have you read the letter, the Second wrote to me?”
“I…did…not really…” This sudden question made aunt didn’t know how to answer “I mean I only glance a little, not much in details.”
“Then read it carefully again.” Father indicated Panjie to pass the letter to aunt.
Aunt by then knew there was no way to escape, she stopped Panjie, and said to her brother “Well, OK, I've read it. If you have something to say, say it, I’m a good listener.”
Father made a huge effort to half-sat up, put on his glasses, as well as his denture, and then he cleared his voice a little, very seriously he said “I see the Second (my uncle Ding) hasn’t changed a bit, speaks as extreme as always. It is true that in the past a few decays our Party made some mistake, some of them even serious, but that could not necessarily prove wrong of the ideology and theory of communism. Communism as a new human society system needs a testing period. Therefore it's unsuccessful temporary period could be caused by operational errors. In the history, nothing in the world can guarantee to be successful at the first time. Any success is a result of many experiments.”
After heard that I could not stand any longer. In order to gain father's love, I could make all kinds of concessions, but I could not give up my political position. This was a matter of principle. And it was the absolute bottom line. I could not help shout “how many times dose your communism need to be experimented? How many innocent people need to be killed? And how many nations need to be destroyed before you prove the correct of your communism ideology?”
Father heard that, used all his strength, trembled his body towards me, made his voice as loudly and clearly and declared in great solemnity “the ideologue of Communism is to liberate the whole human being, to contribute to the happiness of all the people…
Father’s body was shaking. To me he suddenly became the symbol of the Chinese Communist Party. A sense of vindictiveness aroused spontaneously, I deliberately raised my voice “to contribute to the world? How nice is it! To show the misfortune of the Chinese people for decades, to show the mankind how terrible the true face of communism is, should be the greatest contribution of your Party to the world.”
Father raised his right hand just about to say something but interrupted by his severe cough. I knew by then father was no longer my opponent, at least physically. Aunt with surprised big eyes smiled to stopped me, and then patting father's back and gently said “I said my big brother, before you save the whole human kind, I think better to save your own first. And then your family, your neighbors, colleagues, the people around them, and gradually…”
Listening to my aunt supporting I felt particularly enjoyable, but also doubt why the communists have no tears in front of their coffins. Look at my communist father, kept saying to save all mankind, after he spent his entire life struggling, ended up even couldn’t save himself, but to rely on his son bring money back from the capitalist society to save him. Even facing such cruel reality, father wouldn’t give up his high words for the communism Sad, isn’t it?
Father stopped coughing. He gave up fighting with me, did not bother to look at me again, and only waved his hand weekly toward the door meant “get lost.” I suddenly regret, regret my “little-bear-not spoiled the big plan.” Looked at my spirit from high to low, aunt got up and pushed me out the door, gently she said “you see the way you talk to your father, the stubbornness is from exactly the same mold of your father. Just as it says, like father like son…” And then she went back to the ward.
From the window, I saw aunt helped father to lie down, but went on talking to him “hey brother, I don’t want to argue with you what between you and the Second (my uncle Ding). I only know that since communism can not be achieved in a few days, can you in your lifetime, restore your human nature, showing your love to your son as a father?”
“You have seen all, that is his attitude towards me, how could I show my anything to him.” After father said that he breathed heavily.
“My dear big brother, There is something that you obviously don’t know.” Aunt said as she placed the package of money that I asked her to pass to father gently on father's body. And then she told father for win his love how I consciously trying to change all the problems of myself, selfish, vain, arrogant and so on, and trying very hard to be a good person. Moreover, in order to earn money for his medical treatment, I changed my life, stopped pursuit my dream to become the “king of music”, gave up the plan of going to the United States for my future studies to be a famous violinist, instead learnt to make and repair violins for others...in a word, the son had chosen to be a loser in the fight with the father.
Finally, aunt very sincerely said “Yeah, It might be about the time to think about things...”
Father did not respond to what his sister said to him, nor did not take the package of money aunt put on his body. When aunt stood up about to leave father turned his body around, that caused the package of money falling on the ground. Heard the sound aunt immediately bent down to pick up the package from the ground and put it back on father’s body again. It was by that moment father opened his eyes; very seriously to aunt he said “Yes ah, some historical traces have marked on our generation.”
Father's face, was by then not at all good looking, but still to him, it was profoundly important not to loose face.
To be continued
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