14
Search for my brother Danjin
Then I remembered who that round girl was. She was the so-called Fat Sister with my father’s clock on her wrist I met at my father’s place when I visited him some years ago at the countryside.
The story goes like this. With help of my father Fat Sister managed to get away from the countryside and went back to Changsha city there she found her a job as an accountant at a department store. She got acquainted with my brother Danjin through my father and somehow the relationship went romantic. However, I vaguely knew that Danjin had always been interested in one of our neighbors named Xiaojuan. At the moment Xiaojuan was a medical student at the Hunan Medical University, the same place Danjin was working. Therefore it is natural that they pumped into each other often. It was my gut reaction to think that Danjin must be in a state of metal disorder caused by the triangle love business. If so I thought he really need to take some lessons from me. Not to mention triangle, even confronting multiple angles I could manage to take as they came, naturally, by just thinking yourself as multiple beings.
No kidding, I truly believe and throughout my life experience, it is possible for someone to genuinely love with more than one person at the same time.
“Where could my brother be going?” I asked.
“I don't know.” Fat Sister said, “Only heard he wanted to be left alone for a few days, possibly in the South Mountain.”
“South Mountain, the sacred site of Buddhism? That’s far away!” I uttered with surprise.
“Suicide?” Immediately Meimei regretted she said that, she added, “that’s what everybody is worried about, isn’t it. Otherwise we wouldn’t turn to you, at this time of the day, I mean, of the night.”
The want-to-forgot memory of Xiaolin who went nose-diving from her window stroked me hard. That kind of experience once is more than enough to a lifetime, how could I think of happening to me again, with my blood and flesh? It left me no choice but went back to the dormitory to pick up a few things and with my yellow army bag I went out again. At the door I very briefly told my roommate that something had happened to my family that I had to go to the South Mountain right away.
“But, don’t forget tomorrow’s debut performance, the first time for us to be on the TV.”
I rode my bike at a traffic violation speed all the way down to the long distance but station where I found the earliest bus for South Mountain would be at 6:00 A.M. That means there were 5 long hours I had to count each minute to.
I sat on a wooden bench, doubted those who were lying on the benches were actually waiting for buses, or just a free place to sleep overnight. Some old memories with my brother emerged…
I was pushed awake as I took too much space by lying on the bench. I was in such an ill mood that I was about to call some bad names the man who pushed me complained, “it’s nearly 6 o’clock but you are still…”
“6o’clock! Thank you, thank you my friend.”
I check up my watch it was three minutes to 6, too late to go through a normal procedure to cue for a ticket. I dashed out of the station and then saw the bus with a sign in front window “Changsha to South Mountain”. I chased up to the bus and hammered the door with my fist, but the bus refused to stop.
Yet my mind was made that I had to be on the bus, as it was a matter of life and death, of my bosom brother, and I might be the only one in the entire world could save him. Watching the bus went away “resourcefulness in an emergency” came to me. I jumped on my bike again and rolling straight up to the bus direction. Of course I had to running through red lights, as they were my best opportunities. I cannot say the speed but I dare to say the courage was far beyond doubt to be qualified to participate in the Olympiads. About half an hour later when I started to convince myself that manpower is in no way in competition to a few thousand horse power running machine I saw the bus stopped far away vaguely within my eyesight. I used my last strength paddling my bike up there I found that it was one of the tires of the bus that got stuck in a hole. When the bus started to move again with me in it, I still couldn’t breath in a normal pace.
The bus arrived at the foot of the South Mountain just before noon. I got off of the bus with my sore feet that had been standing all the way down. However, I felt more hungry than tired as I suddenly realized that I had nothing to eat for breakfast.
I had whatever I could get to eat and headed to the mountain. It was before by the end of winter before touring or pilgrimage season. In the beginning I met people from time to time, while after half way to the top, I could see no one, not even a ghost.
The higher I climbed the colder it was to be. I started to doubt whether it was the right decision to come here looking for my brother in such a blindness? However, that blindness explains that at that moment it was more important to comfort my mood and anxiety of finding my brother than actually to find him in reality, just like the year 1958 during the “great leap forward” when the whole nation was thrown into the movement of “exceeding the British and chasing up the Americans”, the true meaning of that movement was to satisfy the mood and anxiety rather than achieving the unachievable goal.
At the end of a T road I choose the right direction that I thought to be a short cut by intuition. I walked up and up, and the road became narrower and narrower. The ice frozen leafs were as sharp as thousands of knives. 5 hours had passed and it was getting darker and darker, and I started to be more and more scared, scared to get lost, and also scared to bump into some kind of wild beasts, or to be trapped at a unknown spot becoming a frozen mummy. No need to mention how extremely I was cold and hungry, yet I went on and on climbing by the strong will of surviving. It became completely dark, and I was wrapped by indescribable fear and despair.
I raised my head and looked upon the sky praying for help, and then I saw two very huge high towers extending all the way to the moon. “Is this the way that leads to heaven? Oh my God! A few days later it will my brother’s turn to look for m, or likely my remains…” The blink thought made me flesh creep and teeth chatter.
And then I saw some indistinct lights flickering, and vague electricity cable. Electricity, the symbol of human civilization gave me, a helpless man in the hands of the nature power a glimmer of hope. Immediately I forgot coldness, hunger and fear, moved towards the light as fast as my legs and hands could carry me.
Fate or not, that two huge high towers were television transmission station belong to the same TV station (the only TV station, the government TV station in Hunan at that time) that my orchestra belonged to. Heard I was from the main station the young comrade behaved very hospitable. He made me some hot water to wash my face and feet, and then something to eat.
And then with excitement he told me, “There is an important mission tonight. The new established Radio and TV Orchestra is going to give a debut concert tonight at 9 o’clock.”
“I knew, I knew, I knew it a long time ago.” I smiled with extreme bitterness and regret.
Through the TV monitor, I saw my orchestra appeared on the stage, and the girl used to sit next to me took my seat. I realize without me, the earth was still going around according to its course. When the conductor raised his hands, I too raised mine in violin playing position. However, soon my snore took part in the performance instead.
Next early morning, the very first thing was paying my visit to the South Mountain Police Station. After my story about my brother they said no dead body was found so far, but would inform me immediately if found.
I followed the main road all the way down, with my mind all occupied with the thought that “short cut could be dangerous sometimes”.
My South Mountain journey did not accomplish my aim of finding my brother but the “wish” to find him.
My shield aunt Yu
Back to the orchestra from the South Mountain the very first thing I consider was whether I should pack up my things and get ready to leave, as for such a huge misdoing it wouldn’t be unthinkable to get sacked.
As expected, a general meeting of the whole orchestra was called. I was asked to stand by the side of the dais ready to be criticized.
My colleagues came in one after another looking at me with all kinds of facial expressions, being worried or gloated. No need to describe how serious the atmosphere was.
After ordered everyone to sit down the chief manager Liu put his big cup with the words printed “dedicate to the dearest person” (a sign of honor to those who participated the Anti-US and Supporting Korea War in the early 50’s) on the table and clenched his fist. But as soon as he opened his mouth to announce the meeting was started, the secretary of CEO Li pushed the door open and called me out.
I was led to Li’s office. After asking his secretary to wait outside Li shook his head showing his meaning of “hate the iron unable to become steel”.
Seeing he looked so troubled my pride exploded. I immediately decided to give up all the excuses I was about to make. When I said to him firmly, “It is not my style to put others in difficulties. You do whatever is necessary with me. No mercy is asked” his wife Yuhua walked into the office. Li stood up giving his seat to his boss and went out for washing his hands.
Let me give a few words describe Yuhua. She was average sized. With well-maintained face although over 50 she did not look her age. She talked with a sweet and milky voice, yet the connotation of her wards was powerful and heavy. She used to be singer at the army singing and dance unit with a nickname “Red Hetaera”. If I’m allowed to make a guess, in the past decades, for sure Li was not the only revolution leader who was defeated under her skirt or inside her pants. In a word, Lee leads the whole broadcast television, and Yuhua leads Li, though her public position was no more than a secretary of our orchestra, the secretary of manager Liu.
“Hey, my little Nine Brother. Tell me what went wrong. Aunt Yu will help you out.” She sounded like a savior.
I was overwhelmed by such an unexpected favor. After heard my story about South Mountain seeking my brother she wiped tears off her face and said, “Alright, Let’s go back to the meeting room. I’ll try to explain it to the comrades.” She stood up, shaped my hair a little with her fingers, and remarked, “Why boys nowadays like to have long hair.”
Back to the meeting room, seeing Yuhua the boiling room suddenly became silent. Liu looked at his secretary, I meant his boss nervously. Everyone must be thinking that would be the end of me, the little Nine Brother, even manager Liu had to take it with him if he couldn’t eat all up there.
Liu immediately moved his ass to the audience teat. Yuhua moved to chair aside let me sit on it and she herself stood in the middle of the dais. Liu offered her another chair right away but being rejected.
Yuhua adjusted a little her throat, and then started to appraise the success of the debut concert. Followed she changed her topic to a story about her life with the army singing and dance unit during when she was younger. Half an hour had past, still not a single word about my misdoing from her mouth. When the story ended everyone gave her a big hand. Yet she went on. She narrated a story happened during the Anti-US and Supporting Korea War,
“Once we were sent to give a performance at the front. On our way we met a few wounded soldiers. We made our own decision to move those soldiers to a safer place. Because of that we were late for the performance. At that time we were all afraid of being criticized or even being punished. However, we were not criticized, instead we all received medals of hour for saving lives.” (Her original story was much, much longer than this)
When everybody started to doubt why this story was relevant to the meeting, the meeting meant to criticize and punish me Yuhua finally brought the topic back to the point. She said, “The matter of little Nine Brother, I mean comrade Cheng’s absence of the debut concert, is no doubt a very serious mistake, but he did it for rescuing his brother. It is always more important to save a life than a performance, no matter in a war or in peace. Yes, comrade Cheng should be criticized, not for the absence of concert, but for he take decision by his own. What he should have done was to report it to the leadership. It applies to all of you. From now on, no matter what happened, you should report to me, to manager Liu. The great Party is what you all can and should rely upon. Otherwise you all would get lost, just like comrade Cheng got lost in the South Mountain. Think how dangerous it was to be lost in such a big mountain. If it weren’t our comrades at the transmission station rescued comrade Cheng, perhaps we were not here for, for the congratulating meeting of the debut concert, (she even changed the title of the meeting), rather a memorial ceremony for death of comrade Cheng.” She looked at me with a pity, “Our poor little Nine Brother.”
Laughter could be heard from the audience.
“Is it funny? My dear comrades, did I say something funny? This is something serious, very serious, in no way should be laughed about. (Laughter terminated immediately) However, there is a kind of ‘not afraid bitterness and death’ inside comrade Cheng’s psyche, which is worthy for us to follow.”
Just a minute, how could a criticizing meeting turned out to be appraising meeting? This time, it was me who couldn’t help laugh out.
Be very honestly, being sheltered by a leader, that was the first time in my little Nine Brother’s life.
With a big applause, Liu too, the meeting ended like that.
Manager Liu’s smiling face looked relaxed, but not for very long, as he was wanted by Yuhua. Me too, was caught by her at he door and received a order, “Come to have supper with my family tonight.”
Meeting Nini
In the evening, the naive me went Yuhua’s home empty-handed.
Stepped into CEO Li’s home, surprises came to me one after another. First of all, I found there was a toilet inside Li’s home, unlike every comrade in the orchestra, including manager Liu had to run from the dormitory to the office building, for just a pee. A story was told that a comrade went toilet in his pants for not able to get into the building by forgot to bring his ID with him. (Armed soldiers guarded the Office building all the time) Secondly I was amazed to see not only the TV set had color but also when change channel no need to walk up to the TV and switch the channel key, instead to push a button
On a cigarette-box sized box in a distance.
“Aunt Yu, what is that?” I ask curiously.
“Hahaha.” She laughed with satisfaction, “This is called remote control, my little Nine Brother.”
This is a true story. I was genuinely first time for me to hear such a high-tech colored term “remote control”.
However, to compare with the next pleasant surprise above surprises became nothing, which was her daughter Nini (not Li’s daughter, but the daughter of Yu and her former).
She was so adorable, delicate, fresh and elegant, made me associated her with, with what? Kind of brand fresh soft cream cake, perhaps. She was said to be the princess of the Hunan Radio and TV Bureau. Someone said she was a fairy while others called her sprite. Nevertheless, I’d rather call her “beauty”. With her outstanding appearance along with her social status, I mean her stepfather’s social status, to be exactly her mother’s status in her stepfather’s heart, I heard someone made a bet, yet still no boy dared to look at her face, only turning head to her back when her bike passed in a distance.
However, it was at that moment she not only walked towards me, but also sat by the side of me in the sofa. That made me immediately felt many thorns growing from the sofa.
“Nine Brother.” She called me, with a voice even more sweet and creamy than her mother’s.
“Yes Mam.” I stood up like a solder being called by his superior.
Nini smiled, pulled my hand to sit down. I felt an electric shock and collapsed on the sofa.
“You know it’s very noisy for you to play the violin under my window everyday.” From her mouth, even complains sounded so pleasant.
“No doubt very noisy, that’s why you insist to let the window wide open, not to mention you had it recorded and place it under your pillow.” The mother laughed, and went on, “I’m sure my Nini appreciates music much got from me.”
Knowing my violin had captured the heart of a young girl, a burst wave of joy and satisfaction well up form my heart.
(Here skip 10 minutes romantic conversation nonsense)
“Nine Brother.” She called me again.
“Yes.” This time I did not stand up, but cross one leg on the other with my toe to the air.
“I heard you can speak English.” She asked.
“Of course. ‘This is a pen’.” I said that in English, very proudly.
“Xixixi.” Nini’s laughter sounded like a gold bell.
“That’s right, youngsters nowadays should study hard to catch up with the ever-lasting changeable situations.” The mother made her very wide comment. While to me, at the moment felt not only moment, even the old lady was superabundance.
Since then, Nini came to see me at our dormitory quite often for the reason of borrowing books or asking English questions. That made all the boys and girls in our orchestra, as well as all young people in the Radio and TV Bureau change to a totally different eye on me, the little Nine Brother.
Go to Shanghai
When the fever the “great success of the debut concert” dropped to normal, we all found that the new Radio and TV Orchestra was more an amateur propaganda music group rather than a professional orchestra. The CEO Li too started to realize the unpleasant fact.
With solid economic power of the government mouthpiece, the “throat and tongue of the Party” as Mao decided the roll for the radio and TV, as well as the whole press, Li decided to send the whole “troop” to Beijing for a-year training.
“For the sake of development of our orchestra, as well as you to be more talented individuals, we are not afraid of spending money. You all go to Beijing, look for the best teacher you can find, concentrate yourself to the one-year hard studies. A year later, we’ll give a concert again. It will be a concert of high quality, high lever, in a word, a concert of professional…”
Li waved his hand in the air to end his speech. That stage presence appeared much like all the heroes in Chinese movies, which gained an excitant of the whole meeting room and a warm applause. Of course, we were excited and giving him such big hands more because of the favorable content of what he said rather than how great he looked.
Hence, the whole orchestra was boiling, or as the Chinese say, like “the ants on a hot pot”. Some said they would like to go the Chinese Center Orchestra; others said it was better to go the Center Conservatory of Music, while I was busy seeking channel lead me to Sheng Zhongguo, the No 1 violin soloist, the crest of the Chinese violin world, the symbol of … For that I begged my violin teacher Gou. Gou told me she did not know Sheng Zhongguo directly, but was willing to give a try through his sister Sheng Zhonghua, the lady violin professor from Shanghai once came to Hunan to meet us.
I bragged my excellent plan to Shasha with the expectation of her being impressed, I said excitedly, “One year later after I come back from Beijing I would be the Shenag Zhongguo of Hunan, so that I will no need to sit in the orchestra but play solo only.”
Unexpectedly Shasha did not praise me, on the contrary, she sneered, “To be the Sheng Zhongguo in Hunan, What a ambition and how courageous you are!” She went on, “Why can’t you think to let the whole country forget the name Sheng Zhongguo instead to remember a name called Cheng Nine Brother. Why can’t you think to let the whole world know your name rather than his?”
“What? Are you out of your mind? How could that be possible?” I responded in chagrin.
“I know it’s impossibly. But that doesn’t mean that you are allowed to think of that. Just like the athletes compete in the Olympics, though only one will gain the gold metal, but every body aims it. If you don’t have the ambition to jump three meters high, how could you train yourself to jump over two meters?” Shasha went on and on, somewhat like the Americans say, “talk a blue streak”, until she could hardly catch her breath. She cease talking, took a deep breath, and changed to a much older tone, “If I had known your utmost ambition is to be a soloist in Hunan, I really shouldn’t have sacrificed my, I mean our Xiaoxiao,(she meant the abortion), as well as my voice (her voice went worse after the abortion).
“What do you exactly want to force me to?” I asked carefully.
“Everyone goes to Beijing, you should not get mixed. You should take the opportunity to go to Shanghai, to the Shanghai Conservatory of Music, stay there and never come back.” Shasha said resolutely.
“Why you came back after graduation from Shanghai?” I took courage to talk back.
“How can you think to compare you with me. I am a women, not like you, a man, you see. You know nothing how life is like to a woman, especially a single woman away from home.” Shasha started to weep.
I wondered since when, Shasha turned her my little elder sister to be an old mother, in charge of everything of mine. Therefore to me, she had always been a strong woman, stronger than a man like me. Tears from such a strong woman, how rare it was!
After a little pause, Shasha continued, “Since the day I returned from Shanghai, I’ve been regretting every single day. Sometimes I really wish to be a man, a man who can take life in his own hand.”
Shasha petted my shoulder passionately, said to me in a tone almost like begging, “After the graduation from the conservatory I really wanted to stay in Shanghai. It is just because I did not manager to stay there, I want you to go there. If you could go there and stay there, it will also a comfort and reward to me. Now you understand, you are not only going there for yourself, I’m also a part of it. I still have a few acquaintances there might be useful when needed.”
Shasha looked at me firmly, and pushed me forward, “Go to Shanghai.”
To be set on by Shasha, I went to see CEO Li at his home. Heard I wanted to go to Shanghai all by meself, Li was very upset. He talked official jargon like, “How could that be possible? This is a collectivity activity, is to train our soldiers, how could I allow you to run wherever you like. I say you, little comrade Nine Brother, have you forgotten your absence of the debut concert last time? I let you get away because you were under a special circumstance. But this time, my mind is set, no matter what you say, I’ll never…”
“Please Head Li, you don’t understand.” I cut in, “I go to Shanghai is not only for myself, but also for…”
Not waited for my finishing, Li “pa” stood up, angrily he announced, “I said no means no. The decision is made. I say you comrade, you have no sense of leadership, no sense of collectivity, no sense of discipline, no sense of…” Li wanted to go on while his wife Yuhua pushed the door and walked in.
“What are you two talking about? It sounded very serious.” Yu said with a relaxed smile.
“Aunt Yu.” I called her, in a charming earnest voice.
The matter of I going to Shanghais was set, just like that.
To be continued
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