Chapter 13: A FOUR-YEAR EXPERIENCE AS A CONSTRACTION WORKER
A Mysterious Envelope
After left home I didn’t go anywhere but headed straight to uncle Feng’s place. Besides I had nowhere else to go, it was then I confirmed that the sack of musical scores Xiaolin took out from the library was the cause of the whole problem. Therefore I thought if I return it back to the library it could trade for my brother Danjin’s freedom. However, no matter how hard I think I couldn’t figure it out why that sack of musical scores suddenly became so important when tons of the same kind were burnt during the Cultural Revolution?
As uncle Feng had no idea at all what happened to Xiaolin I decided to talk to him about it later when things were getting clearer.
According to Xiaolin’s words uncle Feng placed the sack in front of me. I opened the sack in order to pick out a few urgent need violin scores. If there were any I planed to return after I hand-copied them. During the process a well-sealed solid brown envelope dropped out from a thick music score. For curiosity I put it into my schoolbag thought to take a look after sorting out the sack. I quickly went through all the scores and books, excluding the couple of violin exercises I took previously I found almost nothing special but a violin collection that might be useful for later use. I started to regret and doubt the value of Xiaolin’s doing such a thing for me.
I entrusted uncle Feng to return the sack back to the library. Heard the news uncle Zhou jumped out from his sick bed and rushed to the library. Delightedly he opened the sack secretly and soon found the thick music score. To his enormous disappointment he found the envelope was no long there. That turned his happiness to madness. However his tact told him to conceal his anxiety behind his calm face. He enquired uncle Feng of my where about. The simple minded uncle Feng had no clue what was these all about and led him coming to me.
At the same time I was alone at Feng’s place gazing at my heart broken violin parts. That made me forgot the envelope thing completely. Seeing uncle Feng came in with uncle Zhou, I jumped up to escape. Although the abandon place had no door the exit was the same size as a door, or as wide as uncle Zhou’s body. With him standing there I wished I could change myself into a string of wind to flee out.
Uncle Zhou’s eye looked much better though still a little blue. The first words out form his mouth were, “Did you see an envelope?”
Seeing him stood steady I backed up a little at a comparatively safe distance, and nodded my head meaning, “yes”.
He promptly strode approaching me and eagerly requested, “Give it to me, quickly.”
His action made me feel that that envelope might be very valuable, or contained some secret, whatever it was it must be something of great importance. I counter-questioned him, “Why should I give it to you? Give me a good reason.”
“Because it is mine.” Uncle Zhou moved a step towards me.
“If you move one more step I swear to you that you will never see your envelope again.”
Then uncle Zhou took a completely unexpected action. He kneed down on the ground in frond of me and begged, “Please, please give it to me. I’ll do anything you want.”
Watching it uncle Feng was at a total confusion. He felt he should do something to easy the situation that he persuaded me, “If it is his thing why don’t you give to him.”
The developing dramatic situation made me more and more confident that that mysterious envelope was a very power thing, which was in my hand, I mean in my schoolbag underneath my buttocks as I relaxed myself on it. I played suspense, “It’s at a secret place.”
“OK, take me there, if you do as I said anything can be discussed.”
“Anything?” I confirmed.
“Anything, as far as I can do, you name it.”
“OK, release my brother, immediately.” I tried it in an orderly tone.
“Alright, take me there first.” He bargained.
“No way, let me brother go first.” This time my tone was un-negotiable.
“OK OK OK, I’ll do it right away. You wait here, don’t leave.” He looked at uncle Feng for his confirmation.
“Don’t worry, he has nowhere else to go for a while.” Uncle Feng comforted him.
When uncle Zhou was away I started to narrate about xiaolin, in a version no more than what I heard from my father. Heard that he looked very down and heavy, utter a few words, “How is the baby girl now?”
That was an unknown question I would like to know it very much myself. One thing for sure, couldn’t be very good.
Uncle Feng started to spread hay to make me a sleep place. Suddenly, he stopped, and said to me, “I think that what thing, an envelope isn’t it? May be better to keep it for a while and wait to see what’s going to happen.” He stopped there, without explaining the reason.
About two hours later uncle Zhou ran back and gasped out, “Your brother is home, Now can we go to take my stuff?”
With uncle Feng’s wink of hint I improvised a story, “It’s not possible to go there today as the place is too far away.
“What?” Uncle Zhou burst out into fury.
Uncle Feng tried to calm him dawn by saying, “Don’t worry, the boy is OK. I promise you no one will see your thing.”
Uncle Zhou started becoming like an air leaking ball. After being dazed for a moment he said to uncle Feng, “If I can take your words? I mean if you, not the boy, can keep it for me and promise not to open it, may be safer than in my hands for a while. Actually I heard about you from my niece Chu Xiaolin.”
“It is a promise. It will not in anybody else’s hand, and it will not be opened. As I said.” Uncle Feng confirmed it again.
After an argy-bargy it resulted temporarily that I would hand the envelop back to him until I was sure that all my family members were safe. And he conceded on my oath that I would let uncle Feng to keep it for the time being and never open it nor let it be in anybody else’s hands. The sarcasm was his life important envelope was only two meters away from him, in my schoolbag right underneath my buns.
As soon as uncle Zhou left I was too impatient to wait to open the envelope, but was stopped by uncle Feng, “You promised you wouldn’t open it. It says ‘four horses can’t chase up a gentleman’s words,’ the trustworthy is a man’s most important quality.”
To show my trust to him and my trustworthy words to uncle Zhou I handed the envelope over to uncle Feng. He hesitated for a second, and then he said, “On the second thought, just put it in your schoolbag like that, it could be a big problem if you have it lost somewhere, besides, he insisted that I keep it for him.”
Like that, I handed the envelope, together with a period of my life over to uncle Feng.
Middle School Graduation
It was free to stay at uncle Feng’s place. But for everyday bread, be precisely “for everyday rice”, I had to start part time grunt work for Feng’s construction company. Being a new boy on the totem pole in a down to earth environment, it was very hard for me to balance myself as a spiritual noble in my artistic ivory tower.
It was OK during the daytime, but was miserable in the evening, for uncle Feng’s castle was as classic as before the age of Edison who invented the electricity. Though to follow the old tradition candles could be romantic yet it cost money. To uncle Feng it was not much of a problem as he went straight sawing logs as soon as it got dark, while I had to count my numbers for hours before I could manage myself into my dreamland. Something worse than that was that there was no water at uncle Feng’s residency. That meant I had to do all my personal hygiene and grooming at the construction site. That was still not the worst. The biggest problem above all was I had no place and time to practice my violin.
Seeing me gazing at my broken violin uncle Feng suggested that he could find me some sesame nails (very small nails) to get the pieces together. His good-hearted idea made my flesh creep though I did not forget to show my appreciations.
It was sometime later Ma Xiaomao heard my story she gave me her violin with the head from the violin my aunt bought for me, which I repaired for her earlier. Just to mention it, since then, every time I met Ma Xiaomao Flute Chen was always there with her like a full-time bodyguard. About Lu Ying and Wang Shiyi, their relationship as a pair was made public. And they too had quitted the Mao Term and were preparing for the high school entrance exam together.
I lost my interest to school completely though it was close to the graduation. My going to school was like fish men a three-day fishing alternating a two-day drying net. Gradually my life got into a new routine. I went to the school (when I did) in the morning, and sweated at the construction site in the afternoon. As soon as I was off work I practice my violin for a short while wherever place available to me, at the work place, at Feng’s place or in a park. In the evening, I finally found a place for pastime by taking part in the rehearsal of Changsha Worker’s Propaganda Term. Just as an old Chinese saying, “to kill two birds with one stone”. Soon, I became the concertmaster of the amateur orchestra, and was flattered to be the No 1 violin player among the amateurs in town; I even played solo from time to time. Though all those did put me in a good mood and a certain degree of satisfaction I did not forget my asseveration, “ not only No 1 amateur player of Changsha City but also become No 1 professional violinist of the whole Hunan province.”
I, as a 15-year-old was living a life mostly among the adults. And a life like that a few months later, I farewelled my middle school.
About the destiny of my other former Mao Team mates, captain Lee leading quite a member of them went to an army Propaganda Team, which was considered the best way out from the school at that time. Although Mao Xiaomao so much wanted to follow Lee, she couldn’t realize it owing to her bad family social class origin, as well as her withdrawing from the Team before graduation, but above all was her persistent chasing of Lee resulted to be an unrequited love. That made the “vast world” (country side) the only place available for her to go. On the other hand Flute Chen’s name was already in Lee’s list yet he gave up the glory on his free well. Heard the people in Xinjiang were good at singing and dancing, Flute Chen put some effort on back doors to skip Xiaomao from going to the “vast would’ and mobilize her going to the Xinjiang Army Development Construction, together with him. Lu Ying and Wang Shiyi both passed the exam and pursued their studies and love in a higher degree.
Since I got out from home I had little contact with the family, all what I knew was mom went back home after months non-result investigation of her political past, and continued her roll as one of the “promoting production”. Father was demoted for unknown reasons, and where, what, how he was serving the Party was also unknown. My little brother Danfeng worked very diligently and endurably with his training and had become a formal member of the provincial Acrobatics. My elder brother Danjin did not manage to get into the high school. In order not to lose his urban residence status, (In China, urban residence registration and rural residence registration are totally two up and down social classes. To change a rural residence registration to a urban residence registration may not be as difficult as a man flying up to the moon, but certainly as difficult as a Chinese immigrating to the States, if it is not more difficult) with the help of his teacher Danjing went as a three-year volunteer to build railroads. And me myself was directly recommended by uncle Feng and became a formal worker of the Changsha Construction Company.
Farewell to teacher Li and found teacher Yu
Wang Shiyi told me that teacher Li once visited my home for the wondering of my taking no more violin lesions from him. I guess I did so for the fear of spreading my trouble so widely over to him too.
Wang Shiyi described that in front of my home teacher Li met no me but my father. Father did not invite teacher Li in but tailgated him to the church. Father’s original intention must be to find out teacher Li’s location in order to demolish the nest that poisons the youth. But surprisingly teacher Li wasn’t afraid or angry by being followed, instead he led my father all the way and politely invited him into the church through the back door. Facing Jesus, by conditioned-reflex the everyday routine pray during father’s university days flashed back he heard, “Our Father who art in heaven…” That miraculous power stopped father with his attention of troubling teacher Li, instead he only expressed his hope with delicacy, hoping that teacher Li to stop doing things with good intension resulting bad outcome, to put it more clearly “leading the youth to astray”. Teacher Li did not gainsay but commented, “Time will speak for itself.”
One day Wang Shiyi came to see me during my evening rehearsal of the Workers Propaganda Team. He passed a message to me that teacher Li wanted ten of his best students to perform violin unison “Xinjiang Spring”, the only violin piece survived during the Cultural Revolution. I accepted the invitation right away for I knew there was a solo section in the middle of the piece and I, said to be the No 1 armature player in town I took it as grounded to conceit that I got to be the one to play the solo part. Nevertheless it was not until the very moment before the performance I leant that teacher Li recommended a sheepish girl called Tang who supposed to be the worst player in the group to do the show-off job in order to infuse her with courage and self-confidence. On the stage while the moment came seeing Tang shaking with hesitation I exploited the excuse stepping ahead to cut a smart figure.
After the performance when everybody was gone home teacher Li asked me to his home. Though I had all the excuses prepared he did not even mention a word about the whole thing nor did he talked about the meeting with my father. Though he acted as if nothing had happened and started to play a violin duo from “Hohmann” with me just like the old days, I couldn’t help apologizing for my father’s rudeness as to also show my regret of the thoughtless action during the concert. Teacher Li said with a smile, “Your father, just like the vast others today, is just a lamb lost its way. How could they be blamed for what they are doing when they don’t even know what they are doing? Only the great love of our lord could affect them, light up their heart. Someday they would reach their cognition of all wrong doings in their past. I will never stop leading the youth to our lord because of some kinds of accusation. Being a God servant this is what I’m made for.
Comparing teacher Li’s treatment towards my wrongdoing with my father’s, I was truly touched. But I became clearly aware that I was like some kind of poison or root of trouble in that society, and whoever in touch with me would be in touch with trouble. I made myself an awkward excuse that his teaching method no longer fit me, and expressed my wish to end the teacher and student relationship. Again he praised me for being much more thoughtful and sensible than before instead of being disappointed with me.
“But no excessive worry about me is needed. I’m safe with the Father, as I always did, and always will be.” He said.
On my way out of teacher Li’s room he took me into the Church. Facing God he prayed for me. He asked the lord to light my heart and warm my body all my life. He also begged the lord to send a brother or sister by my side to lead and assist me wherever I might go. He even prayed for the forgiveness for my father.
I was wordless, not a “thank you”, nor a “sorry”, with an empty heart I silently did my farewell with teacher Li, the enlightenment of my music, as well as to be a decent human being.
From the armature orchestra I heard a rumor that an excellent violinist named Yu Boping was demoted form total 政 to the Hunan provincial Bering Opera as the concert master of the orchestra，owing to his sexual wrongdoing. As sexual wrongdoing was thought to be one of the most shameful sins among our Chinese (though we like it very much) his unpopularity at his workplace was not hard to image. With a fluky hope I recklessly went to see teacher Yu all by myself. Unexpectedly after hearing only one piece of my violin playing he accepted me to be his student, “the only student in my life” as he said. After the high mood I finally got my feet from the air to the ground I started to think that either it was his need for being needed in his adversity, or me, the little nine brother really had some talent, or both, perhaps.
Teaching Yu gave me quite some homework at the first meeting. And he lent me a violin method “Rodow” and asked me to hand-copy a few excises for next lesson. Finally, he made a little embarrassing suggest that I should take a shower and change my clothes, particularly sacks before I go for next lesson, as “my wife is a slight delicate and fussy.” He said that with a tone full of love for his wife.
By then I noticed a photograph, a photograph of a rather pretty woman with riche and honor standing on the piano. Looking at the small wizened and pale appearing teacher Yu I just did not understand why he needed another woman when he possessed such a beautiful wife. The man’s mania of having women other than one’s wife, or as the Chinese say “occasionally, wild herbs taste more than the home meal” took me years to fully comprehend, and partially implement.
My violin stage on construction scaffold
Since I formally became a worker of the Changsha construction company I moved out from uncle Feng’s place and started a life by my own at the worker’s dormitory. The so-called dormitory was actually a shed with lots of two-leveled beds. There was no registration, no management and no charge. As far as there were beds available anyone could occupy them. That is to say that all my property had to be concentrated within a size as big as a bed. However, that wasn’t much trouble to me as I had almost no property, not even a ragged suitcase like the little David Copperfield had when he ran away from the blacking factory to seek his aunt. All what I possessed were two pairs of old shoes and a few tattered clothes. As to the violin, that’s a part of my skin and I wore it wherever I went.
To practice my violin at the dormitory was unthinkable, therefore my work place, which construction site remained the only available location. Everyday when the working hour was over and others went home I would hide myself in a half finished room to practice. Sometimes I got so inspired I would climb on the highest spot of the scaffold. Facing the beautiful twilight and infinite space, with all my feeling and emotion I would enjoy my playing as much as I liked the music pieces I loved. Recalling the scene it was somewhat quite romantic. If it appears in a movie, must be a moving and touching moment.
Gradually I discovered the number of my audiences was growing, for as soon as I started paying, more and more windows would open, and people were standing by their windows. The window closest to me stood the charming daughter of the army representative. (By that time army offices were sent to be in charge of all local working units. It was called the “military control period”.) Whenever the girl appeared it always reminded me of Chu Xiaolin, which changed my happy violin music to melancholy. Just to mention it, if I wanted I could find out the situation of Xiaolin and Langsha by just a little effort, but I choose not to, as the result could be fearful.
In parallel to the growing of my fans there were also increasing number of enemies, an outstanding one was the foreman Peng. I was given a derogatory title called the “young master nine” by my working mates. No work group wanted me in as I did not fit the place, “wearing gloves even in the hottest day in the summer” as people said and I did, in addition to that I was from time to time out of sight hiding somewhere to hand-copy my music scores, the home work teacher Yu gave me.
One day I was caught at the scene when I was doing my usual business hand-copying music scores at my secret spot. The foreman Peng seized my music score and wanted to tear off. I raised a spade over my head and shouted, “Dare you do so I split you head into two.” That really scared foreman Peng, but too shameful to show his weakness he tore off a small corner of my music score with gingerliness. I threw the spade away, stepped forward and gave him a punch on the face. My reckless action caused him to swallow two teeth; two decayed loosing teeth.
That brought the trouble big, big enough to hold a work unit accusation meeting. In the meeting, someone suggested that I should be fired from the company at once. The suggestion immediately supported by a thunder of applause. When the meeting chairman requested to vote by raising hands, Uncle Feng stood up.
He said, “There is no doubt that violence, no matter who dose it, is crude and wrong, and should be accused, criticized and even punished. But I’m the one who introduced the little Nine-Brother to work here. Therefore I should at least be held responsible for half of his wrongdoing. However, to kick him out, is equal to push him to a worse direction, that dose not correspond with Chairman Mao’s teach ‘to cure illness and save life’. The little Nine-Brother is after all a boy below 16, he deserve a second chance. If we sack every young man acts on his impulse of temperament, how many would be left working for the socialist construction? And if the result is simply to fire him, why bother all of us to come here. My fellow workers, please, to give him a second chance, is the only thing I ask.”
The meeting resulted I should compensate foreman Peng’s medicine fees and a sum equal to his ten days wage. I went to uncle Feng wanted to say a few lines of gratitude, but was mercilessly scold by him, “I don’t care to lose my face, I don’t have much face anyway. But you are young, you need to work and fight for your own face. May be someday you can eat with you violin, but you are a worker now, so look and act like one.”
Though I kept my jaw moving, in my heart I knew I owe him a big one, and felt what he said to me was right and honest. Thus I made up my mind to make a radical change from the day on.
About a year later, with all the effort I did changed a lot and be gradually accepted and liked by more and more co-workers.
After all, the construction work and violin performing are two totally incompatible fields. The fingers of a construction worker are as rough as steel files, how could they dance and flit sensitively on violin strings? If my life goes on like that, how could I reach my dream of becoming a professional violinist, the “the king of music”? No! Or yes, I must work out some ways.
It was at that moment when I tried to think some way out I fell from a 3-floor high scaffold all the way down on the ground. That became my way out from the sweaty construction site. I was sent to a hospital. Though no major damage on my bones the scratches and blood looked awful. I declared that I became suffering from height. Uncle Feng preferred to believe it and pursued the company to transfer me to a cement products working unit where more than half of the workers were women.
Since then, the work I did was much relaxed, lighter and stable, more importantly no more laugh on hands covered with gloves. I was once felt happy and a sort of satisfied. I worked harder than ever, and a year later, I was even pointed to be the leader of a group of 6 workers. Slowly, I got used to that kind of life and even started to think I was destined to be a worker, hence the power of pursuing the violin getting weaker and weaker, in the end to take violin lesions from teacher Yu became more like a habit or formality.
About my music activities at the amateur orchestra, after been the concertmaster for quite a period of time, I felt somewhat fed up, and waste of time, hence I quitted it for good with no excuse.
Now, I sit in my house by a big bright window looking outside of my garden, flashing back of the first half of my life struggling. Each time when I reached a goal, I would start to feel dull and lost. Just like climbing a hill, it is a great challenge and fun to look at the top and climbing, but as soon as stepped on the top of the hill, you will discover the place you stand is tiny and sharp, and is surrounded by bigger and higher rolling hills that block your view to other world. In fact, it almost applies to everything in the world, for example to chase girls, all the flavor is in the course of chasing, particularly during the opposite party’s attitude unknown period, looking at her exposed part fantasize her covered part, very tasteful, isn’t it? But when she becomes your own wife…you know what I mean. The same is true when you hunt a used car, all the fun is during the process of looking up the papers, internet, whatever source of information you might get, and checking the maker, year, kilometer, ABS, CD, MD, TV, Navi etc, but when you hand over your money you hand over all your fun and excitement at the same time. One more example, when we were little we all looked forward to becoming adults, but now we are adults, so what? That tells me every time when I reach a goal; I must look for a new goal. That is my understanding of “life goes on,” otherwise, I would feel my life stopped, terminated, and see death lying in head of me. Therefore I lived my life, and will go on living my life of endless climbing.
When I write here I suddenly seem to understand why the religions are so powerful. It is because they give us consistent and continuous hope but never actually let us reach the hope in our lifetime.
My Chinese teacher Liang and English teacher Din
After quitting the amateur orchestra I had more time for myself. Besides practice violin and reading books, I still had some surplus time and energy in the evenings. It was that time I made myself a friend named Liang. We soon got along with each other well. By talking to him I learnt his father was a Chinese teacher and mother was an English teacher, and both were teaching at the Changsha No 2 middle school. As teachers the only thing they wanted to do was teaching, which was not a very popular thing to do at that era. The parents organized their own private free evening classes for those who wanted to study. (All education was free at that time) I immediately became an active member of both Chinese and English classes, and studied both languages very hard. In fact, at the time I had no idea what were my studies of Chinese and English for. While today, when I write in both languages I appreciate and value the foundation of both languages they built up for me. Thank you teacher Liang and Din, wherever you might be now.
Farewell My Virginity
In the evening study group, I encountered zhuanghua, a girl two years elder than me. Every one’s eyes would meet her two full figured breasts before her not bad looking face or slender body.
Here is how she became my first sexually involved girl friend. It was an afternoon she took me to her home. She asked me to turn my face away from her. When I was asked to turn my face back to her, she was totally nude. My mind went completely blank while body was trembling. When she was trying to guide me to enter her world I was full of fear. First of all I was after all a 18 year-old virgin, although much practice had been dong by my own, but to fight in a battlefield, that was my maiden voyage. Secondly, it was the inappropriate environment. You see it was in someone’s home, just in case her parents, or either one of them finished job earlier and bumped in, I would not be able to get my pants on in time. Therefore in spite she had her door widely open to me I didn’t know how to get mine in. I resulted at her doorway in haste, for the first rehearsal.
When next opportune came, she gave up pretending innocence and clumsy of the “first time experience”, after lubricated with her saliva she hold mine tightly and sat it in. It was from that moment I farewelled my virginity.
Although I had no contact with my family since I walked away from home I knew well what was going on with my folks as Meimei came to see me at my work quite often. One day, when my working mates all went home, I told Meimei that I had mastered the skill of lovemaking. She called me a boaster that stimulated me, aroused me to take off her pants like I did to her a couple of years ago. Just like before, she made no resist, no yelling no moaning no nothing, not even an excuse “the rice would be burnt” this time, only closed her eyes as tightly as she could. When it was over, I noticed there was a map like bloodstain on the newspaper that I sheeted on the ground. I became nervous, “Is yours broken? Should I take you to a hospital?”
Meimei smiled.
I felt much relieved with the smile, “I’m serious. Are you in pain, alright?”
“It should be alright in a moment. I heard all girls are like this for the first time.” She comforted herself, yet more importantly comforted me.
Since then Meimei was introduced as my sister, and Zhenghua my girl friend. While the sexual activities were going on parallel.
It was another afternoon after been working for the construction factory for four years I received an unique phone call from the company head office that I should report myself immediately to the office.
“I don’t think I can. You see, I have to work over time today in order to finish the cement fences in time for the zoo panda house. It’s important.” I replied.
“It is more important that you come here at once.” The phone said.
“If not, will you sack me?” I insisted.
“No need to sack you. You already no longer belong to our company. Details will be told when you are here. Come quickly, all the leaders are here waiting for you. Otherwise I’ll send someone to get you.”
“What? ……”
The phone was cut off.
What an earth could be the problem? I worked hard and well lately, and the relationship with my co-workers were improved greatly, in a word everything went well and smooth. Why the company wanted to kick me out?
To be continued
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